Life with Baby K

September 4, 2010

Not what I expected…

Filed under: infertility ripples — by Jess @ 12:39 pm

When I was TTC Anna I thought that if I could just get my baby, life would be okay. Granted, I wasn’t naive enough to think that life would be a sunshine and butterflies and there would never be any troubles in my life again. But I did think that some of the jealousy and animosity I felt towards fertiles that get pregnant at the drop of a hat would go away. And I think it did at first.  But now, I find its coming back with vengeance.

Within the last two months I have heard of two college friends that are pregnant (one of which just go married in April and is due in February) two separate couples that Jeff and I grew up with have announced within the last week that they are pregnant with their second child (one whose first child is younger than Anna, the other is only 5 months older than Anna). Even within the blog world there are people who cycled right around the same time as me who are either now pregnant again or who are trying for number two.

I guess my frustration comes from knowing that I am not in a position to cycle right now. I have to finish my RN. There is no way around it. I have one year left and I just have to do it. I already deferred a year before I started the RN program because I was pregnant. There is certainly no way that I can cycle while in school. And I should really pass my NCLEX exam and find a job before I cycle again. But that seems like a lifetime from now.

School starts on Tuesday, hopefully that will help to distract me from all of these thoughts because I am not liking feeling this way again. I thought the animosity was behind me.

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