Life with Baby K

September 8, 2008

Its been awhile….

Filed under: Baby on Board,family,Nieces,school — by Jess @ 3:17 pm
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So it has been a long time since I have posted. I don’t really know why. I guess part of it is just how tired I have been, and the more time that passed the harder it seemed to come back and post something. But I am forcing myself to jump back in. To give you the rundown on what has occurred over the last few weeks, I think I will just do a bullet list…

-Vacation was wonderful. Like I mentioned in my last post it did rain A LOT but it was a great time to be with my family and celebrate my pregnancy.

-I decided to defer admission to nursing school until Sept of 2009. This was a very hard choice for me to make but it was definitely the right decision. School started a week ago and I can’t even imagine being in school right now. At the start of the summer, I was on the wait list for the program and just beginning my second round of IVF. I didn’t have much hope for either. Then it turned out that not only did one situation work out but they both did. School and pregnancy and I thought I could handle it all. Thank God I came to my senses and realized that I am not superwoman. Anyway the people at the school were very understanding and I have a spot reserved for Fall 2009.

-My sister and I are going to go to start my registries when she gets back from Florida (she, my BIL and my nieces are currently at Disney…not that I am jealous or anything) I am excited that we are doing this together because I don’t know what all I need and what things are useless to get. My sister is going crazy doing tentative planning for a baby shower. Sometimes I am not sure who is more excited, Jenn or me. I’m just kidding I am so glad she is being so supportive. My oldest niece Nadia is hysterical! Ever since she found out that Auntie has a baby in her belly, she refers to her stuffed animals as her cousins. Last week when I was babysitting she brought three Elmos over to me and lined them all up and looked at me and said, “shhh Auntie the cousins are sleeeeping” She cracks me up! I just hope she doesn’t expect me to give her three cousins all at once!!!

-I had my first OB appt on Aug 26. We got another ultrasound and am amazed at the changes in just three weeks. While the doc was doing the ultrasound the baby started waving at us! I looked that the doc and asked if that was the baby’s arms and he said yes and I was like oh my goodness the baby is waving at us!!!

9w4dIt was without a doubt the most exciting thing so far! The appt its self went well. I was very happy with the doc and felt comfortable with him. The one thing that came of the appt was that the OB is not comfortable with me being on zoloft past 20 weeks due to the risk of persistent pulmonary hypertension (http://www.persistent-pulmonary-hypertension-newborn.com/) So after going back and forth between my OB and my psych doc it has been determined that I will switch to wellbutrin after the first trimester is over. Wellbutrin can cause birth defects if used in the first trimester but has been shown to be safe in the second and third trimesters. And then as soon as I give birth I will go back to the zoloft because you can’t be on wellburtin when breastfeeding. I am a little nervous about this because I have been on zoloft for a long time (like since I was 17) and my depression has been very stable ever since. I don’t want to set myself up for post partum depression. Anyways hopefully it will all work out in the end.
I think thats probably the full run down of whats been going on in my world the last few weeks. Hope everyone has been doing will. I have been reading along with everyone even though I have been quiet. I promise it won’t be so long before my next post. I have my NT scan on Friday so hopefully I will have new pictures of little Baby K.

August 8, 2008

Baby K’s first picture

Filed under: Baby on Board,family — by Jess @ 12:27 am
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Sorry it took me a couple of days, but without further ado, here is my peanut’s first picture!

And on that note I leave you for a week or so. Jeff and I, my parents and brother, and my in laws are all going on vacation this coming week to Lake Champlain. It will be a wonderful week full of baby talk I am sure. I am going to bring my computer and try to keep in touch but the internet up there is questionable.

I will be home on Saturday Aug 16th! See you then!

July 25, 2008

A letter to my friends

I just sent the following email to my friends and family. I felt like it would be the best way to let people know and to also to get people to pray for me. I am feeling very anxious right now. My last bloodwork was on Monday and my ultrasound isn’t until August 5. I feel like I have no idea what is going on in my uterus. Logically I know that everything is probably okay, but what if its not. I just want to enjoy this pregnancy and not spend the time freaking out. And once I have my ultrasound, I will be worried until the next milestone. I never thought that I would get a doppler but I think for my own sanity I may have to. At what point can someone start to use a doppler. I know its not until at least 12 weeks. How exactly does it work, anyone know?

Anyways, here is the email I sent out:

Hello Friends!!!
 
      This is an email I have wanted to write for a year and a half. Some of you are aware of the infertility struggle Jeff and I have been enduring since we got married in Oct of 2006. This has been a long, hard, emotionally draining process. We began trying to conceive shortly after our wedding and figured it wouldn’t be long before I was pregnant. However, things didn’t work out as we would have wished. During the summer of 2007 we began testing to determine if there was a medical reason we weren’t becoming pregnant. The testing indicated problems which required a specialist’s help. Unfortunately, the insurance company would only pay for the treatment after a year of trying on our own. So while we knew it was unlikely we would become pregnant on our own, we had to continue trying for another 6 months. Finally in January of 2008 Jeff and I went to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Springfield as Baystate Medical Center. It was there, after further testing, that we learned our only chance of having our own biological children was through In Vitro Fertilization. We began our first IVF cycle in April and May of 2008. Unfortunately, my body did not respond to the medications correctly and the cycle had to be canceled. So after the doctors at Baystate came up with a new medication protocol, we began again. This time my body responded beautifully and five days after retrieving my eggs, the doctor placed one beautiful embryo back inside of me. And I am beyond excited to share with you that I am currently five weeks pregnant!!!
        While I am nervous about sharing this with all of you, simply because it is still early in the pregnancy, I am doing to because I am in need of your prayers. This pregnancy was hard to come by and I am very anxious about it turning out okay. I go for my first ultrasound on August 5. I will be 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant by then. We should be able to see the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound that day. Right now that is what I am holding onto. Please pray for Jeff and I and our little baby. We have wanted this for so long and God has finally blessed us with this pregnancy. We all know the power of prayer and my newly forming family needs those prayers. Please pray for peace of mind for Jeff and I, that we would be able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. We don’t want to spend the next 8 months in fear of things going wrong. We want to enjoy this experience as we prepare for the arrival of our baby. I will be sure to keep you updated as the pregnancy progresses.
        Thank you all so much for your friendships. Each of you are a huge part of my life and you all mean so much to me.
 
                  Love,
                    Jess (and little Baby K!!!)

July 15, 2008

Anticipation

Filed under: family,IVF #1 Round 2 — by Jess @ 6:51 pm
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I have been trying to lay low and not over think everything. Which is of course nearly impossible. I have been trying to tell my self that the strange little stomach cramps are just gas pains or something. Or that my moodiness is just from the waiting. Or that the nausea I feel every time I have my mom’s potato salad that I normally love, is just from the heat. But you see I don’t think I believe that. Or at least I don’t want to believe that. I want to believe that these are all early pregnancy signs. And to tell you a little secret, one that I haven’t even shared with Jeff, I think that they are. I bought some cheap wal.mart preg tests and have been peeing on them frequently. Because there was just no way I could wait till Wednesday like I said I would. So the first day was clearly neg. But the second test had a faint second line. Of course I thought i was seeing things. So later in the day when I had a stockpile of pee in my bladder, I took another test. Again there appeared to be a second line. However, because I wasn’t positive about it, I haven’t told anyone. But I bought today a pack of three EPT digital tests because I am done messing around with lines. And three was the perfect number because I can take one every morning starting tomorrow morning through Friday morning when I go for my beta. So we will see what is what in the morning when we are dealing with words, not stupid lines.

In other news my mom was in a car accident on Monday. She was rear ended and has some serious whiplash going on. The doctor also thinks something is going on with the nerves in her neck because she is having a lot tingling going from her right shoulder all the way to her fingers. Poor thing, I feel bad for her.  She is in a lot of pain right now and could use any prayers for comfort you guys can give.

Thats pretty much the latest over here in Massachusetts. There is more drama happening with my sister. The long and short of it is that she didn’t show up for a birthday dinner on Sunday for my dad and for Jeff and it was the needle that broke the camels back and now everything is at a stalemate. Drama, drama, drama! Not what I need this week so I am trying to ignore it as much as possible.

June 30, 2008

Wow

Filed under: family,IVF #1 Round 2 — by Jess @ 12:36 pm
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So I think this cycle is actually going to lead to an egg retrieval! I am so excited. There are actually eggs growing inside of me and lo and behold my estrogen level is climbing instead of dropping!!! I don’t know exactly what my estrogen level was on Saturday (the doc left a voicemail b/c I was dumb and left my phone in the car for 20 minutes) but she said things look good and the levels are climbing and the thing that thrilled me is that she told me to bring my garlinex with me Monday to my ultrasound b/c she thinks I will be ready for it by then!!!! I have been so pessimistic this cycle, always waiting for the levels to drop, especially when they increased my doses and my level only increased a little bit back at the beginning of the week. But it looks like my ovaries are actually going to cooperate this time! I go back to for another ultrasound and bloodwork in the morning and I am excited to she whats going on. As much as it has been a pain to go back and forth to the hospital (1.5 hours away) every other day, I am very glad that they are monitoring me so close.

I didn’t end up going to the reunion this weekend. My sister decided to keep my niece with her on Saturday so I didn’t have her to bring with me and I was going to be super rushed coming back from the RE on Saturday morning. It just wasn’t worth it, especially since I may have thrown a fit at the first person who asked me when we were going to start having kids.  Yeah, I think it was better for everyone that I didn’t go. And I actually slept Satuday night! I went to bed at 11pm on Saturday night, slept through the night, woke up around 8:30, gave myself my first shot, and then went back to bed until noon. It was fabulous to sleep in after waking up at 5:15am three times this past week and not getting home until midnight from work. Of course its currently 12:30am and I am writing this post instead of sleeping. Go figure. I never sleep well the night before I go to the RE for monitoring.

I have been thinking a lot today and I think I am going to transfer 2 blasts if we get to that point. This has been such a long, difficult, exhusting process and I want to increase my chances of getting pregnant. I know that this increases my chance of having twins, but it also increases my chances of having at least on embryo sticking. Of course I haven’t discussed this line of thinking with Jeff yet, but I am sure he will go along with whatever I want to do. I just want to give myself the best chance possible to actually have this cycle end with a pregnancy.

 

June 27, 2008

And the drama continues…

Filed under: family,IVF #1 Round 2,Nieces,Uncategorized — by Jess @ 7:30 am
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I went today for my bloodwork and first ultrasound of this cycle. Today my estrogen was 120, still not super high, but hey at least it didn’t drop this time! My ultrasound looked good, lots of follicles around 8mm. They increased my gonalf to 225 IU twice a day, with a side of 1 vial of menopur. I go back to see them on Saturday.  So while I haven’t completly stepped away from the dark side of thinking, I have backed away a bit, at least for today.

I have switched to a smaller needle for my shots and so far no spouts of blood. The nurse was resistant to me using the insulin needles (I didn’t tell her that I had already done one shot with that kind of needle!) Then she suggested using the smaller gonalf needle, which is smaller than the original needle but not as small as the insulin needles. So thats what I used tonight and it went fine. So I guess I will use the gonalf needles, but as soon as I get another blood rush I am switching back to the insulin needle.

The drama with my sister is continuing. I still haven’t heard from her about if I am going to be able to take my niece Nadia to this family reunion on Saturday or  not. I left her a message today but so far no response.  We will see…

Oh I wanted to say congrats to all of the Braces Bunchers who have gotten BFPs this cycle. Hope the trend continues!!! 🙂

 

 

 

June 19, 2008

Protected: Seriously?!?

Filed under: family,IVF #1 Round 2,Nieces — by Jess @ 1:02 am
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June 2, 2008

Nursing School Here I Come!!!

Filed under: family,school — by Jess @ 5:08 pm
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I found out this morning that I have been given a spot for the nursing program for this fall!!! I am super excited and yet super scared and nervous all at the same time. But I am glad I don’t have to wait until next fall to get into the program. And if I do get pregnant with this next round of IVF, I know that my family will help out and support Jeff and I. My mom has already volunteered to help with childcare and my in laws are super good about letting us borrow money when it is needed. I know we will be okay no matter what happens, but like a said a few posts ago, I don’t enjoy the unknown. Anyways for today I am celebrating the fact that I am starting nursing school in September which means I will be done with school a whole year before I thought I would be. Which not to sound completely materialistic, and please don’t think that this is why I am going to nursing school, but it will be nice to start making nursing pay before 2011!

Anyways, just wanted to share my good news!!!

May 22, 2008

Moving on…

Filed under: family,IVF #1,Prep for IVF #1 Round 2 — by Jess @ 3:36 am
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So its official, we are completely scrapping this IVF cycle and are now introducing IVF #1 Round 2! My one lonely 12.5 follicle only grew to 14 today and my estrogen level went up but not dramatically. So my doctors suggestion (and what I was leaning towards anyway) was to let this cycle go, get myself some provera and start over again. So that what we will do. I am going to be on provera for 10 days, wait for my period, and start BCP on CD 1. After 3 weeks of BCP I will go in for baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. As long as everything is clear, I will stop the BCP and on my 4th pill free day start using 300 of Gonal-F and 2 vials of menopur once a day. After about 6 days (or whenever my follicles are about 14mm) I will add Ganirelix until my trigger shot.

Today the whole IVF team had their big weekly team meeting where they discuss the failed cycles and figure out what to do next. So while they still aren’t sure why my estrogen level dropped, they feel that this protocol will be better suited to me. I asked if my lack of response indicated a low ovarian reserve and the nurse told me that there was no indication of that. She said there was no reason to think that my ovaries are failing. Thank God!! I also asked the nurse what is different about this new protocol compared to my last one and why they think this will work better. The team feels that I should have been on a higher dose initially and they think the lupron I was taking with the stims was prohibiting full stimulation. So we have completely cut out lupron and increased everything else.

So while I am still not happy that instead of sitting at home this weekend recovering from my ER I will be at the hospital working, I have accepted this cycle for what it was and I am moving forward. I just wish it didn’t take 10 days of provera and then 3 weeks of BCP before I can feel like I am “really” doing something towards my goal of having kids. But what can you do?

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In side news, please pray for my husband’s grandpa. He is in the hospital and is having cardiac problems. The doctors are thinking there may be a blockage which is cutting blood flow off from the lower left atrium. Meanwhile grandpa (who is a very active self sufficient 84 year old) is sitting in his hospital room, getting worked up about the fact that he needs to get home to finish cleaning and removing the storm windows in his house! It looks like he may be transferred to a different hospital, 1.5 hours away (the same one my clinic is at) tomorrow for a cardiac catheter. He is not happy about this. Please pray for my MIL who has pretty much been at the hospital all day for 3 days with him. She is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted right now. Thanks!

May 19, 2008

No change….

Filed under: family,Friends,IVF #1,Nieces — by Jess @ 4:08 pm
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I went to the RE for my bloodwork and u/s this morning. I don’t yet know the estrodial level but there was no change in my ovaries over the weekend, nothing grew, everything looks the same. This is rather frustrating to me. So depending on what my bloodwork says, I think they are going to bump up my meds. The RN did say that sometimes the estrogen level has to get to a certain point and then suddenly the ovaries kick in and there is a huge growth. Its funny because last week I could really feel things going on in my ovaries. This weekend I didn’t feel much of anything but I just attributed it to how busy my weekend was and that I just didn’t notice. But apparently there really wasn’t anything going on this weekend….very annoying. I have certainly not given up hope or anything. They told me that people with PCOS are often slow responders, so I guess its not surprising that my ovaries seem to have stalled out. I would just hate to see this get turned into an IUI like poor PJ at http://infertilityonthebrain.blogspot.com/. Not that anyone at the RE’s office has said anything like that. I am just getting ahead of myself, as usual!

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I am so glad that I decided to push back my cycle a week so I would be free for this past weekend. Saturday was my friends Alicia and Craig got married. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a blast. I LOVE dancing at weddings and my husband loves to be the center of attention so it makes for a fun event for us. Yesterday was my niece’s first birthday party up at my BIL’s mom’s house. Any time I get to spend with those girls is always fun. And I had a good time hanging out with my sister. So without a doubt this past weekend was worth putting my cycle back a week!

Oh I have a cute story to tell you from the wedding. I had to do my shot while at the wedding. So my mom and I went into the bathroom and I pulled my three different needles out, my three little vials of meds, and my alcohol wipes out. A friend of mine from church and her 13 year old daughter came into the bathroom with us. Of course I have no shame so I continue what I was doing, mixing my meds and such. So the four of us are all talking and I looked up at my friend and laughed and told her that I wasn’t doing drugs. She laughed and said that she figured as much since my mom was standing right there. So I explain about the IVF and such. She told me about a friend she has who went through IVF. She said she would be praying for us and such. Then I went into the stall to actually give myself the shot and she and her daughter left the bathroom. Apparently after they left the bathroom her daughter looked at her and asked what it was that I was doing. She explained that I am trying to getting pregnant. Her daughter looked at her mom and said “with a needle?!?!” I thought that was so cute!!!

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Alright, I will check back in once I hear from the RE. Please keep us in your prayers that things work out for this cycle.

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