Life with Baby K

May 12, 2008

I don’t want your nasty cake anyways!

Filed under: family,IF ignorance,IVF #1,Mother's Day — by Jess @ 2:00 am
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So Mother’s Day pretty much sucked. Big surprise, I know. I really thought I would be okay since I would be a work and would be busy. Yeah, I kinda forgot about visiting hours and the fact that mobs of children and families would be coming in to visit patients and celebrate Mother’s Day. Because I work on the psychiatry floor our visiting hours are much more limited that they are in the main hospital, since we have group sessions occurring throughout the day. Today visiting hours were 12:30-2:30. So my morning was okay. A few questions were asked of me by the patients which sort of stung, but I was able to brush it off figuring that the patient wasn’t in a good place and the like. So when the patient asked me if I was a mother while I was taking his blood pressure and I told him, only to my dog and cats, and he looked right at me and said that pets didn’t make me a mom, I could force my bitterness down and continue taking his vitals without shoving the thermometer down his throat. However, I had a harder time letting things roll off my shoulders once visiting hours started.

It was maybe half way through visiting hours and I was surviving. But then an obnoxious woman came to the nurses station and announced that she had a cake she brought in from home. Then she loudly said that it was a cake for mothers only. She was very insistent on the mothers only part. In fact she said it four or five times in the 60 seconds she was standing at the nurses station. She looked at me and asked me if I was a mother. I told her no and she flipped her hand as if she was dismissing me and said “oh well you can’t have any cake then, its for mothers only” and she preceded to walk away with her ugly ass cake. It really was ugly too. It was a round chocolate cake which looked to be overcooked and therefore was crunchy looking on the edges. I know all of this because the pink frosting was such a thin layer that you could clearly see the cake. I wouldn’t have had any of her cake even if I was a mom and therefore allowed to partake in the magical cake. But in that instance of standing at the nurses station, being dismissed by this woman, I felt like I was teleported back in time to middle school. I was an awkward kid in middle school, even somewhat in high school. I had about two friends at school (not counting my friends from church youth group, thank God for that youth group or I may never have had any social life in school) I can remember being in 7th grade when my “friends” suddenly decided that I couldn’t be friends with them anymore. I was told that I needed to find a new place to sit at lunch and suddenly had no one to talk to in classes, or work with for group projects. I was dismissed in middle school from my friends. And today I felt the same way. I felt like I was being told that I was not cool enough or special enough to hang out with the cool kids. I wanted to take that cake and shove it in her face! Stupid ignorant people.

Yeah so next year if I am not pregnant or holding my newborn in my arms, I am hiding under my blanket and watching movies all day. Screw the world I don’t care!

**I did however pull myself out of my funk long enough to go to my in laws and my mom’s to wish them all a happy mother’s day. I am really grateful for my mom especially this year. I don’t think I would make it through all of this without her. **

I forgot yesterday to write about our last SA. Jeff went down on Tuesday and did his thing and the nurse called me on Wednesday. Since my goal was to make his sample as bad as possible so the insurance company would cover ICSI, I made my poor husband go 5 days instead of the normal 2-3 days. Well wouldn’t you know that this was the best sample we have ever had. His morph was 5.5, his count was higher than before and his motility was awesome. Go freakin figure! So we are on for IVF but not ICSI. I think I am okay with this though because now I have two SA with higher morphs opposed to before when I had one higher and one lower and I had to guess which was the more accurate sample. So this is what we will do for now. Tonight was my second night of stims, it was much easier tonight than last night to mix all of the meds. So far I have not noticed any side effects, although it was hard to tell today if I was emotional and upset because of mothers day or because of the extra hormones. Probably a mix of the two. Oh and on a side note it is very amusing to look at my belly and see all of the little red puncture marks and the light purple bruises surrounding them. I feel like I am going to be able to play connect the dots on my belly when this is all done and over.

ETA: I just found this link on the IF community board I am a part of ( and thought I would share it all with you. It is a beautiful story and validates everything I have been feeling:

May 11, 2008

And then we stimmed!

Filed under: IF ignorance,IVF #1,Mother's Day,Nieces — by Jess @ 12:25 am
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Tonight I had my first stim injection. 225 units of Gonal F, one bottle of menopur and 5 units of lupron. I also started my antibiotic and baby aspirin today. I was a bit nervous about mixing all of the meds but it went fine. So I feel like we have pulled out the big guns today! I go back to the hospital on Tuesday for blood work to check my estrogen level.

So tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Yuck, I am not looking forward to it. I am glad that I have to work. When I get out of work we are going to my in laws for dinner and then to my mom’s house. It should be low key. Which is good.

Today I was at the park with my mom, brother and my two nieces. I was up on the jungle gym with Nadia and saw a friend of mine from church who was picking up her daughter who was also at the park. She yells over and asked me why I wasn’t at the baby shower today. Ugh. Today my church was having a big baby shower for my pastors wife. I just didn’t have it in me to go the it. In fact I had actually forgotten about it (forgotten or repressed….who knows) I was able to just use my nieces as an excuse, told her I had to watch them today. But really I just couldn’t do a baby shower at church with all sorts of people who know nothing about my IF issues, and deal with Mother’s Day, all in one weekend. So I chose to spend the day with my adorable baby nieces instead. Sounds like a much healthier option.

In other news, I am done with school for the summer! I am very excited about that. I am brain dead from this semester and in need of a break. I have enough on my plate this summer with IVF and such.

Well my husband just got home and I think I will go watch a movie with him. I hope everyone has a tolerant day tomorrow. Lots of love!

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