Moving on…

So its official, we are completely scrapping this IVF cycle and are now introducing IVF #1 Round 2! My one lonely 12.5 follicle only grew to 14 today and my estrogen level went up but not dramatically. So my doctors suggestion (and what I was leaning towards anyway) was to let this cycle go, get myself some provera and start over again. So that what we will do. I am going to be on provera for 10 days, wait for my period, and start BCP on CD 1. After 3 weeks of BCP I will go in for baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. As long as everything is clear, I will stop the BCP and on my 4th pill free day start using 300 of Gonal-F and 2 vials of menopur once a day. After about 6 days (or whenever my follicles are about 14mm) I will add Ganirelix until my trigger shot.

Today the whole IVF team had their big weekly team meeting where they discuss the failed cycles and figure out what to do next. So while they still aren’t sure why my estrogen level dropped, they feel that this protocol will be better suited to me. I asked if my lack of response indicated a low ovarian reserve and the nurse told me that there was no indication of that. She said there was no reason to think that my ovaries are failing. Thank God!! I also asked the nurse what is different about this new protocol compared to my last one and why they think this will work better. The team feels that I should have been on a higher dose initially and they think the lupron I was taking with the stims was prohibiting full stimulation. So we have completely cut out lupron and increased everything else.

So while I am still not happy that instead of sitting at home this weekend recovering from my ER I will be at the hospital working, I have accepted this cycle for what it was and I am moving forward. I just wish it didn’t take 10 days of provera and then 3 weeks of BCP before I can feel like I am “really” doing something towards my goal of having kids. But what can you do?

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In side news, please pray for my husband’s grandpa. He is in the hospital and is having cardiac problems. The doctors are thinking there may be a blockage which is cutting blood flow off from the lower left atrium. Meanwhile grandpa (who is a very active self sufficient 84 year old) is sitting in his hospital room, getting worked up about the fact that he needs to get home to finish cleaning and removing the storm windows in his house! It looks like he may be transferred to a different hospital, 1.5 hours away (the same one my clinic is at) tomorrow for a cardiac catheter. He is not happy about this. Please pray for my MIL who has pretty much been at the hospital all day for 3 days with him. She is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted right now. Thanks!

WTF!!!

So today sucked. I got a call from the clinic today around 12:30. Except instead of one of the nurses, it was the head doctor whom I have only met once. As soon as he identified himself, my stomach dropped. I knew that this wasn’t good. So apparently there is a reason my follicles didn’t grow over the weekend: on Friday my estrogen level was 175 and today it was…..drum roll please…..164! WTF! My estrogen went down!!! The doc asked me what dosages I have been taking, I told him and he confirmed that I was taking what I was suppose to. So here is the kicker, he tells me that they are going to have the lab redo the blood level to see if there was an error, but that if it is correct that they are going to have to cancel my cycle!!! There are only a few times in my life I have been truly speechless and today was definitely one of them. I just froze. I didn’t expect that at all. Once I collected myself I asked if there was anything we could do to save the cycle. He said that at this point there its not going to work to do IVF because I just don’t have enough follicles. He said that if we wanted we could do an IUI. I told him I would have to think about it and talk to Jeff.

So when the nurse called later to tell me that the second estrogen level came back the same, I had had time to write down some of my questions. I asked what would cause my level to go down even though I was taking my meds like a good girl. They basically said that they don’t know why that happened and that they are as confused and surprised as me. I guess this just wasn’t the protocol for me. They told me to increase my gonal-F from 225 to 300 and stick with one vial of menopur with 5 units of lupron. I am going in on Wednesday morning to see if my two lonely follicles will mature. If they do, then we will do the IUI but if there is no change again than we are going to scrap this cycle, get myself some provera and have round two of this IVF stuff.

I am so pissed off that this didn’t work. I am angry that the meds didn’t do what they were suppose to do. I am frustrated that I have been shooting myself up for almost a month and have gotten no where. I am annoyed that I have drove 1.5 hours each way at freakin’ 6am to get to the hospital for 7:30am on 4 different occasions when gas is $3.75/gallon.

Yes I am pissed and angry and bitter and have said the word “fuck” more today that I think I have in my whole life.