Its been awhile….

So it has been a long time since I have posted. I don’t really know why. I guess part of it is just how tired I have been, and the more time that passed the harder it seemed to come back and post something. But I am forcing myself to jump back in. To give you the rundown on what has occurred over the last few weeks, I think I will just do a bullet list…

-Vacation was wonderful. Like I mentioned in my last post it did rain A LOT but it was a great time to be with my family and celebrate my pregnancy.

-I decided to defer admission to nursing school until Sept of 2009. This was a very hard choice for me to make but it was definitely the right decision. School started a week ago and I can’t even imagine being in school right now. At the start of the summer, I was on the wait list for the program and just beginning my second round of IVF. I didn’t have much hope for either. Then it turned out that not only did one situation work out but they both did. School and pregnancy and I thought I could handle it all. Thank God I came to my senses and realized that I am not superwoman. Anyway the people at the school were very understanding and I have a spot reserved for Fall 2009.

-My sister and I are going to go to start my registries when she gets back from Florida (she, my BIL and my nieces are currently at Disney…not that I am jealous or anything) I am excited that we are doing this together because I don’t know what all I need and what things are useless to get. My sister is going crazy doing tentative planning for a baby shower. Sometimes I am not sure who is more excited, Jenn or me. I’m just kidding I am so glad she is being so supportive. My oldest niece Nadia is hysterical! Ever since she found out that Auntie has a baby in her belly, she refers to her stuffed animals as her cousins. Last week when I was babysitting she brought three Elmos over to me and lined them all up and looked at me and said, “shhh Auntie the cousins are sleeeeping” She cracks me up! I just hope she doesn’t expect me to give her three cousins all at once!!!

-I had my first OB appt on Aug 26. We got another ultrasound and am amazed at the changes in just three weeks. While the doc was doing the ultrasound the baby started waving at us! I looked that the doc and asked if that was the baby’s arms and he said yes and I was like oh my goodness the baby is waving at us!!!

It was without a doubt the most exciting thing so far! The appt its self went well. I was very happy with the doc and felt comfortable with him. The one thing that came of the appt was that the OB is not comfortable with me being on zoloft past 20 weeks due to the risk of persistent pulmonary hypertension (http://www.persistent-pulmonary-hypertension-newborn.com/) So after going back and forth between my OB and my psych doc it has been determined that I will switch to wellbutrin after the first trimester is over. Wellbutrin can cause birth defects if used in the first trimester but has been shown to be safe in the second and third trimesters. And then as soon as I give birth I will go back to the zoloft because you can’t be on wellburtin when breastfeeding. I am a little nervous about this because I have been on zoloft for a long time (like since I was 17) and my depression has been very stable ever since. I don’t want to set myself up for post partum depression. Anyways hopefully it will all work out in the end.

I think thats probably the full run down of whats been going on in my world the last few weeks. Hope everyone has been doing will. I have been reading along with everyone even though I have been quiet. I promise it won’t be so long before my next post. I have my NT scan on Friday so hopefully I will have new pictures of little Baby K.

The day after

So yesterday was my egg retrieval, which went amazingly well as I wrote yesterday. Today the doctor called and said that of the 28 eggs, 23 were mature and 18 of them fertilized! I am still in shock about the 18! Actually I think I am still in shock about it all. I am so grateful that things are going so well after the rocky start this cycle. I had gotten so discouraged by everything that I couldn’t even see myself being in this place. Wow, I am just in awe.

Today I am still quite uncomfortable. Yesterday I ended up taking three percocets and I am trying to stay away from them today. It is definitely less painful today than yesterday, hopefully ibuprofen will be enough today. I am still very sleepy today though. I am glad that I got someone to work for me today. I am definitely not up to being on my feet all day. The only thing I have to do today is go to Walmart and find something for my niece’s birthday party tomorrow. I don’t know what to get her. She has more toys than any two year old should have, has tons of clothes, really she needs nothing. So we will see what I can find today. I can’t believe she is going to be two!

Well I am getting sleepy again. I think I will go take a nap and when I wake up head off to the store to find something for her birthday.

18 fertilized…wow!

And the drama continues…

I went today for my bloodwork and first ultrasound of this cycle. Today my estrogen was 120, still not super high, but hey at least it didn’t drop this time! My ultrasound looked good, lots of follicles around 8mm. They increased my gonalf to 225 IU twice a day, with a side of 1 vial of menopur. I go back to see them on Saturday.  So while I haven’t completly stepped away from the dark side of thinking, I have backed away a bit, at least for today.

I have switched to a smaller needle for my shots and so far no spouts of blood. The nurse was resistant to me using the insulin needles (I didn’t tell her that I had already done one shot with that kind of needle!) Then she suggested using the smaller gonalf needle, which is smaller than the original needle but not as small as the insulin needles. So thats what I used tonight and it went fine. So I guess I will use the gonalf needles, but as soon as I get another blood rush I am switching back to the insulin needle.

The drama with my sister is continuing. I still haven’t heard from her about if I am going to be able to take my niece Nadia to this family reunion on Saturday or  not. I left her a message today but so far no response.  We will see…

Oh I wanted to say congrats to all of the Braces Bunchers who have gotten BFPs this cycle. Hope the trend continues!!! 🙂

 

 

 

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Five day weekend! Does it get any better???

I have been MIA over the last week or so. Since my cycle got canceled I have been in a bit of a funk. Combine that with the long holiday weekend (which I worked everyday of…gross) and I just haven’t been quite myself. Anyway, I now have a five day weekend off of work for which I am super excited about! I am participating in a Walkathon on Saturday for the local NAMI affiliate that my mom works for. (You can check out their website at http://www.namibc.org/) I am taking my two nieces with me in the double stroller. A couple nurses from the psych floor I work on at the hospital are walking with me and I can’t wait to show off my adorable little babies!

I had been told that I wouldn’t be able to get into the Nursing program until the fall of 2009, however the other day I found out that I am number 2 on the space available list for this fall 2008. So while there are no guarantees, it is possible that I will get into the program this fall. This presents a debate in my head. Since nothing in my immediate future is a sure thing, I am going ahead with everything. I am still going to complete this next IVF cycle, because as I know far too well, who knows if I will even get through the damn cycle this time, let alone the unknown of if I will get pregnant or not. Yet at the same time I feel like I need to go ahead with the possibility of getting into the nursing program. Yuck right now I feel like my life is a big unknown. I don’t do very well with unknowns. I like to have things planned out and know ahead of time what is going to happen. Too bad life doesn’t work like that, right??

On the IVF front, I am waiting for my period. Today was my last day of provera so now I am just waiting. Fabulous. More waiting. The birth control sitting on my desk is taunting me, I swear it is. Hopefully my period will start soon and I will be able to start BCP soon.

No change….

I went to the RE for my bloodwork and u/s this morning. I don’t yet know the estrodial level but there was no change in my ovaries over the weekend, nothing grew, everything looks the same. This is rather frustrating to me. So depending on what my bloodwork says, I think they are going to bump up my meds. The RN did say that sometimes the estrogen level has to get to a certain point and then suddenly the ovaries kick in and there is a huge growth. Its funny because last week I could really feel things going on in my ovaries. This weekend I didn’t feel much of anything but I just attributed it to how busy my weekend was and that I just didn’t notice. But apparently there really wasn’t anything going on this weekend….very annoying. I have certainly not given up hope or anything. They told me that people with PCOS are often slow responders, so I guess its not surprising that my ovaries seem to have stalled out. I would just hate to see this get turned into an IUI like poor PJ at http://infertilityonthebrain.blogspot.com/. Not that anyone at the RE’s office has said anything like that. I am just getting ahead of myself, as usual!

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I am so glad that I decided to push back my cycle a week so I would be free for this past weekend. Saturday was my friends Alicia and Craig got married. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a blast. I LOVE dancing at weddings and my husband loves to be the center of attention so it makes for a fun event for us. Yesterday was my niece’s first birthday party up at my BIL’s mom’s house. Any time I get to spend with those girls is always fun. And I had a good time hanging out with my sister. So without a doubt this past weekend was worth putting my cycle back a week!

Oh I have a cute story to tell you from the wedding. I had to do my shot while at the wedding. So my mom and I went into the bathroom and I pulled my three different needles out, my three little vials of meds, and my alcohol wipes out. A friend of mine from church and her 13 year old daughter came into the bathroom with us. Of course I have no shame so I continue what I was doing, mixing my meds and such. So the four of us are all talking and I looked up at my friend and laughed and told her that I wasn’t doing drugs. She laughed and said that she figured as much since my mom was standing right there. So I explain about the IVF and such. She told me about a friend she has who went through IVF. She said she would be praying for us and such. Then I went into the stall to actually give myself the shot and she and her daughter left the bathroom. Apparently after they left the bathroom her daughter looked at her and asked what it was that I was doing. She explained that I am trying to getting pregnant. Her daughter looked at her mom and said “with a needle?!?!” I thought that was so cute!!!

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Alright, I will check back in once I hear from the RE. Please keep us in your prayers that things work out for this cycle.

And then we stimmed!

Tonight I had my first stim injection. 225 units of Gonal F, one bottle of menopur and 5 units of lupron. I also started my antibiotic and baby aspirin today. I was a bit nervous about mixing all of the meds but it went fine. So I feel like we have pulled out the big guns today! I go back to the hospital on Tuesday for blood work to check my estrogen level.

So tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Yuck, I am not looking forward to it. I am glad that I have to work. When I get out of work we are going to my in laws for dinner and then to my mom’s house. It should be low key. Which is good.

Today I was at the park with my mom, brother and my two nieces. I was up on the jungle gym with Nadia and saw a friend of mine from church who was picking up her daughter who was also at the park. She yells over and asked me why I wasn’t at the baby shower today. Ugh. Today my church was having a big baby shower for my pastors wife. I just didn’t have it in me to go the it. In fact I had actually forgotten about it (forgotten or repressed….who knows) I was able to just use my nieces as an excuse, told her I had to watch them today. But really I just couldn’t do a baby shower at church with all sorts of people who know nothing about my IF issues, and deal with Mother’s Day, all in one weekend. So I chose to spend the day with my adorable baby nieces instead. Sounds like a much healthier option.

In other news, I am done with school for the summer! I am very excited about that. I am brain dead from this semester and in need of a break. I have enough on my plate this summer with IVF and such.

Well my husband just got home and I think I will go watch a movie with him. I hope everyone has a tolerant day tomorrow. Lots of love!

Insurance woes…

Yesterday I got a phone call from the IVF insurance coordinator. Turns out that Jeff’s last SA had a morphology of 3%. The first SA was 1.5%. Blue Cross requires two SA with a morph under 2% to pay for ICSI. So, we have been denied!!! I was so upset yesterday! They are going to pay for IVF but don’t deem us as needing ICSI. So after considering our options, Jeff and I have decided to have him give another SA with the hopes of the morph coming in lower. If that doesn’t work, then we will just do regular IVF and see how that goes. We could self pay but we don’t have $1200. Since we weren’t expecting this we didn’t save anything. Truth is that I don’t think that we are going to do anything that the insurance company won’t pay for, at least not at this point. We are not in a position to be paying tons of money for IF treatments.

I always feel like an ungrateful jerk when I complain about insurance. I know how lucky I am that I live in Massachusetts and have good insurance. I admire and respect everyone who self pays, and maybe in the future when I have my nursing degree I will be able to self pay when needed. But its just not possible right now.

Anyway on other news, the semester is almost over, THANK GOD! I need the summer to relax and focus on IVF and/or possibly being pregnant! Actually I am just looking forward to spending time with my fam and my adorable little nieces. Last night was my last chemistry class, today is my last lab and then next week is my last two A&P classes. Summer is almost here!!! I can’t wait.

This weekend I am babysitting the girls Saturday all day and overnight into Sunday. I am super excited! I love those girls so much. Hopefully the weather is okay so we can go to the park on Saturday.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

The one thing I said I wouldn’t do…

I just did the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do with this IVF cycle: I just pushed my cycle back a week. I was adamant about not doing that. I had decided that if I had to miss my friends wedding, than so be it. But last night I got an email from her asking me to do a reading during the ceremony. I couldn’t very well pass that up. But I wasn’t sure if there was anything I could do since I already started the lupron. So I called this morning and left a message for the IVF nurses. Ellen, the nurse who did my protocol class called back and I explained what had happened. She told me just to do an extra week of lupron to leave my ovaries in limbo a little longer and then I will start my stims the weekend of May 10th instead of May 3rd. While I didn’t want to push it back a week initially, I feel really good about this plan. Whats another week when I have already been waiting a year and a half!

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I meant to post the other day, Monday, the day that I began the lupron but I had a big A&P test on Tuesday so I was studying. Anyways it was an experience. I was really kind of freaked out about it. My mom came over to the apartment for moral support. Jeff was still at work and I needed to get the shot done and over with for my own sanity! So after a false start (there was more resistance to pushing the needle into my belly than I anticipated) I gave myself the shot and lo and behold, it wasn’t bad at all! Last night I gave myself my shot at work (the joys of working evenings during IVF) which went fine. I went to Walmart last week and bought a little insulated lunch bag and a ice pack to keep my meds refrigerated when I am at school and driving in the car and such.

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I spend Tuesday morning babysitting my nieces. Oh my gosh they crack me up! Nadia put her Elmo Easter basket on her head and was marching around her living room like a marching band member. And Sasha is so close to walking and its driving her nuts that she isn’t quite there. That kid gets so frustrated and mad when she can’t do something. But then when she does do it or gets to the item she wants, she gives the biggest smile with her four little teeth showing. Nadia is so smart for her age. She is saying three and four word sentences. She is just like my sister and Sasha is just like a little mini version of my brother in law. I can’t wait to give them a little cousin to play with!

Alright, I suppose I should go and be productive and study or something. Or maybe I will look online to find a pretty dress to wear to this wedding…

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