Not what I expected…

When I was TTC Anna I thought that if I could just get my baby, life would be okay. Granted, I wasn’t naive enough to think that life would be a sunshine and butterflies and there would never be any troubles in my life again. But I did think that some of the jealousy and animosity I felt towards fertiles that get pregnant at the drop of a hat would go away. And I think it did at first.  But now, I find its coming back with vengeance.

Within the last two months I have heard of two college friends that are pregnant (one of which just go married in April and is due in February) two separate couples that Jeff and I grew up with have announced within the last week that they are pregnant with their second child (one whose first child is younger than Anna, the other is only 5 months older than Anna). Even within the blog world there are people who cycled right around the same time as me who are either now pregnant again or who are trying for number two.

I guess my frustration comes from knowing that I am not in a position to cycle right now. I have to finish my RN. There is no way around it. I have one year left and I just have to do it. I already deferred a year before I started the RN program because I was pregnant. There is certainly no way that I can cycle while in school. And I should really pass my NCLEX exam and find a job before I cycle again. But that seems like a lifetime from now.

School starts on Tuesday, hopefully that will help to distract me from all of these thoughts because I am not liking feeling this way again. I thought the animosity was behind me.

Is this thing on???

Hello anyone out there? So its been a really long time since I wrote here…no real reason except that the more time that went by, the harder it seemed to come back. But recently I have found myself wishing I had an outlet like I did back when I was blogging on a regular basis. I considered starting a fresh blog, a way not to have to own up to ignoring this one for so long but in the end I think I will just stay here.

My daughter was born on March 21, 2009 after a long induction that didn’t turn out the way it was suppose to. I ended up having a c-section because Anna wasn’t going to fit through my cervix. Apparently not only do I need medical assistance to get pregnant but I can’t even give birth without serious medical intervention. But that is a topic for a whole other post.  Anyways her name is Anna Jane and she is perfect. She is 17 months old now and the light of my life.  Seriously she cracks me up and makes everything that we went through to get her seem so insignficant.

I am also in nursing school, getting ready to start my second year. My last year thank God! Lord willing I will be an RN in less than a year. Can’t wait! I love school and enjoy what I am doing so much. Its so good to feel like I am doing something that will help people.

So this serves as my “getting my toes wet” post…I really intend to write more often…I need a place to get things off  my chest.

Oh also, even though I have been MIA on my blog I have been reading along with everyone’s blogs and have been keeping up with people. So is anyone out there reading this one anymore???

Oh, and here are some pics of Anna!

Anna in the hospital all cozy in pink

 

Anna one month old in her swing

Anna at three months 

Anna at 6 months

 

 Christmas 2009- 9 months old

Anna’s first birthday party

 

Anna enjoying her new chair at 16 months old July 2010

Anna sleeping in the van on the way home from vacation last week- 17 months old

Sigh of relief

I went to the doctor today and things look like they are going to be okay. My cervix remains closed, a fetal fibronectin test came back negative.  I have been cleared to go back to work tomorrow. So while they will continue to watch me very closely, for now we are okay. My next appointment is in 2 weeks. I get to have the fun glucose tolerance test at that appointment.  I also have an ultrasound in 2 weeks. My child was completely uncooperative at the 18 week ultrasound and wouldn’t uncross its legs. So my MIL who works on the maternity floor where I plan to have the baby talked with the midwife and they worked it out to get me another ultrasound. I love having connections!

Its been a long time…

Hello out there!!!

Okay so I have been a very bad blogger over the last few months. I have wanted to write several times, but felt like I had nothing much to say. I suppose it takes a small crisis it get me to post a new entry.  Rather than retype the whole story I am going to cut and paste an email I sent out to some of my friends and family and then I will pick up with some other stuff after the letter:

 

Hello everyone,
 
As most, if not all of you know, I found out I was pregnant this summer after a successful IVF cycle. Things have been going smoothly, minus an uncooperative child who wouldn’t uncross its legs for an ultrasound. Yesterday, things began to change. I woke up not feeling quite right, feeling a little off, but ignored it and went about my way. I went to church in the morning, went to Walmart in the afternoon for groceries, and then came home and with my brother and Jeff, gave my dog Daphne a bath and haircut. Around 6pm I noticed I was having some cramps. I was relaxing on the couch kind of observing what was going on. About 25 minutes later I alerted Jeff that I wasn’t feeling well and that I didn’t know the difference between a cramp and a contraction. So we called my doctor, who told me to get something to eat and drink and lay down and see how it goes. So I did, but it wasn’t going away. So around 7:30 we went up to the hospital and got attached to the monitors. Because I am only 23 weeks, the machines were having a hard time detecting if there were any contractions or not. However the nurse checked my cervix and said she wasn’t sure if it was closed. So the doctor was called in, I was given a shot of terbutaline to stop any contractions. When the doctor came in he checked me, said that my cervix is closed but its soft. It shouldn’t be soft at this point in the pregnancy. I have an appointment with a midwife tomorrow morning where I will be asking 101 questions. I don’t know fully what this all means, but yesterday when the doctor told me that my cervix was soft, I was so overwhelmed, I couldn’t ask him any questions other than what would have caused this, to which he said that no one knows what causes labor or cervix changes. At this point he said I was having preterm contractions, but was not in preterm labor. I don’t know if I am going to end up on bed rest or what is going to happen. Obviously I will do whatever is needed to protect my child, however, having to stop working at this point would create a lot of financial issues. Please pray for things to stay quiet and for my cervix to remain closed. Prayers for avoiding bed rest would be appreciated as well.
 
I will keep you all updated.
 
Thanks for your love and support,
 
Jess, Jeff and Baby K

 

Okay so my question for everyone out there is has anyone ever had something like this happen to them? As of now I know that my cervix is closed but I don’t know how long that will continue. I don’t know if I am making a huge deal out of something that isn’t such a big deal. I don’t know whats going to happen but I am kind of freaking out. If anyone has any advice or personal experience I would love to hear it!

By the way, even though I have been MIA on my blog, I have been reading everyones stories and I am so excited for everyone who is pregnant currently and my heart and prayers go out to everyone who is currently in treatment.

All clear…

Okay so I went to the doc today and everything is okay. I got to hear the heartbeat which was reassuring. Thank you everyone for all of the well wishes and prayers.

I am still interested in dopplers, if anyone has any recommendations please let me know! Thanks!

Dopplers

Last night I had a scare. I was at work and went to the bathroom for the hundredth time on my shift and noticed that when I wiped there was blood. Of course I freaked out. I have spotted before but it has always been after having sex. And since it has been about a week, I was scared because this spotting was unexplained. I told my charge nurse that I needed to go make a phone call to the doc and told her what was happening. I went outside and called Jeff and then called the doc. My OB was on call so he called me back and wasn’t very concerned. He said as long as I didn’t have any cramping and that the bleeding didn’t get heavy that he didn’t think it was worth going to the ER for.  I really didn’t appreciate his dismissive tone, I knew he was right. So I am going to be seen this afternoon by one of the midwives in the practice (actually the one I saw first about my inability to get pregnant) The bleeding has stopped. I haven’t had any cramping. So I think I am ok. But I will feel better after hearing the heartbeat/seeing the baby.

Okay so here is the question of the day. Last night as I was trying to go to sleep all I could think of is how much I wished I had a doppler. Of course I have no idea which brands are the best ones so if those of you who have dopplers could let me know what kind you have and if you would recommend it or not, that would be wonderful.

I will update after my appt this afternoon.

Its been awhile….

So it has been a long time since I have posted. I don’t really know why. I guess part of it is just how tired I have been, and the more time that passed the harder it seemed to come back and post something. But I am forcing myself to jump back in. To give you the rundown on what has occurred over the last few weeks, I think I will just do a bullet list…

-Vacation was wonderful. Like I mentioned in my last post it did rain A LOT but it was a great time to be with my family and celebrate my pregnancy.

-I decided to defer admission to nursing school until Sept of 2009. This was a very hard choice for me to make but it was definitely the right decision. School started a week ago and I can’t even imagine being in school right now. At the start of the summer, I was on the wait list for the program and just beginning my second round of IVF. I didn’t have much hope for either. Then it turned out that not only did one situation work out but they both did. School and pregnancy and I thought I could handle it all. Thank God I came to my senses and realized that I am not superwoman. Anyway the people at the school were very understanding and I have a spot reserved for Fall 2009.

-My sister and I are going to go to start my registries when she gets back from Florida (she, my BIL and my nieces are currently at Disney…not that I am jealous or anything) I am excited that we are doing this together because I don’t know what all I need and what things are useless to get. My sister is going crazy doing tentative planning for a baby shower. Sometimes I am not sure who is more excited, Jenn or me. I’m just kidding I am so glad she is being so supportive. My oldest niece Nadia is hysterical! Ever since she found out that Auntie has a baby in her belly, she refers to her stuffed animals as her cousins. Last week when I was babysitting she brought three Elmos over to me and lined them all up and looked at me and said, “shhh Auntie the cousins are sleeeeping” She cracks me up! I just hope she doesn’t expect me to give her three cousins all at once!!!

-I had my first OB appt on Aug 26. We got another ultrasound and am amazed at the changes in just three weeks. While the doc was doing the ultrasound the baby started waving at us! I looked that the doc and asked if that was the baby’s arms and he said yes and I was like oh my goodness the baby is waving at us!!!

It was without a doubt the most exciting thing so far! The appt its self went well. I was very happy with the doc and felt comfortable with him. The one thing that came of the appt was that the OB is not comfortable with me being on zoloft past 20 weeks due to the risk of persistent pulmonary hypertension (http://www.persistent-pulmonary-hypertension-newborn.com/) So after going back and forth between my OB and my psych doc it has been determined that I will switch to wellbutrin after the first trimester is over. Wellbutrin can cause birth defects if used in the first trimester but has been shown to be safe in the second and third trimesters. And then as soon as I give birth I will go back to the zoloft because you can’t be on wellburtin when breastfeeding. I am a little nervous about this because I have been on zoloft for a long time (like since I was 17) and my depression has been very stable ever since. I don’t want to set myself up for post partum depression. Anyways hopefully it will all work out in the end.

I think thats probably the full run down of whats been going on in my world the last few weeks. Hope everyone has been doing will. I have been reading along with everyone even though I have been quiet. I promise it won’t be so long before my next post. I have my NT scan on Friday so hopefully I will have new pictures of little Baby K.

Back from vacation

Well, I am back from my vacation. Which was wonderful, except for the fact that it rained about 75% of the week. But we had a great time and were sad to see the week end. We are definitely planning on going back there next summer (with baby in tow!)

As far as the pregnancy goes, so far it has been pretty easy in regards to the symptoms. I have had some morning sickness and have vomited a few times (three times on vacation, my poor mom must have started to feel that the baby didn’t like her food. I threw up twice after eating her waffles!) Also I am still really tired. But I am not complaining!

My first OB appt is not for another week, Aug 26. I am a bit nervous about this appt. I love my RE nurses and am not sure how I feel about being a part of the “fertile” world. I think even my sister thinks I am a little out there with some of my worries, but then again she gets pregnant just by looking at her fiance I think. If anyone out there has any words of wisdom or funny stories or anything else of interest about first OB appts after IF, I would love to hear them!

Opps, we are getting a big thunderstorm and my dog Daphne is freaking out. I guess I should go comfort my poor puppy dog! Oh she is shaking!

Baby K’s first picture

Sorry it took me a couple of days, but without further ado, here is my peanut’s first picture!

And on that note I leave you for a week or so. Jeff and I, my parents and brother, and my in laws are all going on vacation this coming week to Lake Champlain. It will be a wonderful week full of baby talk I am sure. I am going to bring my computer and try to keep in touch but the internet up there is questionable.

I will be home on Saturday Aug 16th! See you then!

It seems so real now…

Wow, well we saw the baby today! What a beautiful little person there is inside of me! The whole idea of my son or daughter existing within me is beyond crazy. We saw the heartbeat too!!! It was in the 130 range (I don’t remember the exact number) and he is measuring 5mm. So exciting!!! The nurse told me my due date will be March 28th 2009. Oh and I have been officially released from the RE!!! I don’t have to use the PIO shots, estrogen patches or baby aspirin anymore! This honestly made me a little nervous because I thought I would be on the shots a lot longer. And while I am released to my regular OB, I can still call and/or go see them up until the time I see my OB for the first time. Which made me feel good since I don’t know how long it will be before I can get into the OB. I have to call tomorrow. But without a doubt, today has been the best day I have had in a LONG time!!!

**I will add an ultrasound pic later when I am at home and can scan it. I am at work right now**